This afternoon I find myself in the mood to write but unsure what to write about. As I pondered an old article I wrote back in ’09 came to mind and so I thought (complete with a few tweaks) I would republish it. It pretty much describes were I’m at. Seven years on from writing it I find myself back in the same place. Granted its heavy but I think if we are all honest we have a dark side that could be described as “The beast in me”. Here is the article:
Johnny Cash sang a song called “The beast in me” which always resonated with myself, it’s all about the dark side within him. The dark side we all have if we’re honest, the side that lives in the cracks of our persona and distorts and destroys brings temptation and corrupts. For him his struggle was with drugs but he also shared in stuff that he wrote that he had fought with lust, greed, jealousy etc.
For me the strongest beast within me has always been “The Comfort Eater”. He tells ferociously cruel lies in the most luring way and as the song states can be as deceptive as to “pretend to be a teddy bear”. Once the lie has been accepted and the trap sprung the beast released can be all consuming. This past few months he has really rattled the cage, I’ve given him attention and old habits, thought patterns and behaviours have returned.
He’s low down scum who has picked a period of my life to reappear which is full of pressure and illness. On reflection it’s easy to forget that I’ve beaten him into submission before and that is something I need to think on. I am and may always be a recovering over eater but that shouldn’t solely define me, I am so much more. If I choose to listen to the beast at the moment he’s telling me that it’s over, I’ve failed and he’s won. My response to his lie I choose not to publish but a very famous photo of Johnny Cash in an angry moment comes to mind and those who are fans of him will know the one I mean.
Lesson re-learnt lets journey on… Enjoy your weekend folks, talk soon!!