Grasping the nettle…

It’s been over a dozen posts since I last focused on my
weight and since that point I’ve put close to another half a stone on.  I could offer a platitude of excuses most of
which would be woolly but if I am being fair to myself I hadn’t the mental strength
at my disposal to address it.  Chronic
fatigue robs you of so much however since mid-August my mood, energy and general
health has been steadily improving.  Now
that it has its time to grasp that nettle.
Today I’m 19st 13.6lbs (279.6lbs).  I want to linger, mourn and throw a pity
party to end all pity parties however doing that got me nowhere in the
past.  It’s time to move forwards. The
reasons why I am the weight I am are quite complex and long standing but could
be summarized in one word, anxiety.  I’ve shared before on this very blog that I
have an eating disorder. A specialist in the area told me that it would take
over 2 years of focused effort to recover from it and from that point on I’ve been
in various shades of denial.
There are so many stigmas around an eating disorder
especially an overeating one that I have only ever discussed the issue with a
very select bunch of people.  I don’t know
of any others in my friendship circle who suffers from it and who are willing
to share.   For the benefit of myself and
for the encouragement of others I have decided to further discuss amongst other
things the reality of living with an eating disorder on my blog.  It might be outstandingly courageous or enormously
stupid. It could make me tremendously vulnerable to judgemental attitudes and/or
a point of mockery.  It could make me all
of the above however if it helps me I am getting to the point of not caring…

So today I am drawing a line in the sand.  I don’t want to be over 280lbs, I don’t want
my weight to start with a 20.  It’s time
to turn this ship around, it’s time to grasp the nettle.  Talk soon!

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